no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
