If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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