Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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