You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
