oh god the rape fog is back!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had sex on a roof
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
