there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
