I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
