Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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