sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
