if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
