We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
