Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
