The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
