I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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