you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
