Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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