mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
