How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
