PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
