I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
