Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
