He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize