Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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