Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
