Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
