i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
