There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I want is dick and wine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
