At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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