We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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