whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
