I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
