Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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