I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
