All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
