i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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