I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
