based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
