FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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