My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
