Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize