I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
