i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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