Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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