I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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