it's like iHOP with fire
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
