Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
