I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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