I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
