Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
