just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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