we have officially lost it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
