I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize