I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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