Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
