omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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