I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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