Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
