Just fell off a train. Bad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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