i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
