On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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