I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
