Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
