Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
